I know being a parent is not easy, that's what everyone says right? But personally I feel that I don't have an enjoyable childhood? Maybe only watching TV and eating candies that 99.9% of the children experienced, but things like... playing at the playground everyday, learning things like roller blading, ballet, musical instruments? Yeah I didn't really do all those.. As far as I remember I had art, phonics, chinese classes? Can't rmb the rest but yeah not really practical.. And I took up swimming in P1? I only learnt how to cycle in sec 1. Thank god hahah cuz I still have friends who can't cycle. I can't say I'm deprived of childhood? But to an extent, I felt that my childhood was protected?? My parents would constantly say "no" to this and that, and even now? Like staying over at a friend's house. The first ever time I stayed over at a friend's house was this year where I had to stay over to chiong DSS project. REALLY STUPID but yeah. I really wish for a fun sleepover one day. So envious of my other friends who can just sleep over at each other's house like it's no big deal. But I guess my friends don't really have such a sleepover culture? But now in poly sleepovers are so common.
If I ever have a child I would make sure I'm updated about their life with them, be more like a friend to them but at the same time make sure they respect me as a mum too? (obviously they should) So that even if they're busy I would be able to catch up with them and not distant with them during the busy period. I would wanna be someone they can talk to about any thing, even about relationships and things like that. I want to do what my parents didn't do because they're more traditional? Somehow more reserved and not really open about having h2h talks. And I swear its so awkward if I have a h2h talk with them. I would have to take my whole heart out to have such courage to talk to them. And if I probably tell my thoughts to them 100% unfiltered I think they would start nagging like.. "See I told you not to do this last time..." and so on. Like I can't even finish ranting. Reason why I expect them to nag? Because i've been there and done that. Tried talking to them but pretty much failed badly, getting all angered up after that because they can NEVER ever understand me.
Every single time I disagree with my parents I get so freaking upset because I feel like they would never understand why I made that decision, or let me have my fun while I can. As much I try to put myself in their own shoes, thinking of reasons why they're like this; it really makes me upset sometimes because I feel that I am missing out too much in life. Its so horrible. You might think, oh they're just disagreeing only for a few times, but come to think of it, 16 years of my life if you count all the disagreements it really accumulates to a whole mountain of shit that I have not done/experienced in my life and it sucks. But I know some times the requests I make are unreasonable so I would understand that they wouldn't agree to it.
I really wish they would be more open about things.. Stop having weird thoughts about me having stay over's (what can they even think of wtf), and some other things which I can't really process now because I'm half-asleep. But this shit gets me so frustrated I just have to rant it out tonight. Okay I'm really tired now good night. Im such a grumpy kid. And I'm probably not the only teen that faces this. but yeah.