It's how ironic for the past whole year I have been dying to get over O's and graduate from sch because I barely had a break for the past whole year but here I am missing how we just had to do one thing which is study. Im not saying like im really working full time on anything right now but come to think of it, im alr moving on to poly and it just feels weird not having something to study or practice; like how I did throughout the whole year.
Well, not saying that I wanna go back and take O levels again with all those horrible nerve-wrecking, "oh shit im not prepared" moments and insecurities about my results... Im pretty glad I went through that actually (:
2013 has been pretty much a great year for me. So what if I had to do my O's? I kinda realised that in the end I got closer to so many more people. Some might have left but hey, they impacted and changed me for the better. And for those who are still staying with me right now, im so glad that they are because they make me so happy.
To be honest, currently I feel that secondary school friends know me the best.. No matter who I meet eventually, those with me now would know me the best because they saw me grow up. Okay not just me but.. We all saw each other grow up. Relationships that everyone knew of, things like this. And even though they judge? Or not, they still accept you for it. They know what happened, even if it's a little bit of your past but they still accept you for it. And im glad they did. I appreciate everything, what they have helped me through and even the most basic- I appreciate the fact that I got to know such people.
New chapter in my life is coming, glad that evan, mingshu and tok are going to the same course as me. Honestly if I was alone I would panick because this is gonna be my first time really making new friends all over again. P6 to sec 1 was full of the same kcpians because our schs were affilated.
Really appreciate the random night meetups with lynn.
I don't know whether I said this before but.. Having more alone time at home made me think more, how I should improve myself or do things, or even reflect on my life and how I should go on. Sometimes it kills me to have so many thoughts.. But sometimes I felt that I should've thought about that long ago. Things like "damn, I shouldn't have acted like that", regrets and stuff like that.
Reading shannon's blog I came to remember these thoughts I had these whole while and finally decided to type it out. Im so glad that she wrote this post, the one titled "originally published on 19 Jan 2014" because she pretty much expressed what I felt these while, about the depth of silence and observing, learning about myself through my thoughts. I don't have such a great way of expressing what I want to say like her in such an in-depth manner, that's why im really glad she did. Which lead me into expressing my current thoughts. Quoting from her blog:
When you think in silence, you learn things about yourself you never knew, things you kept at the back of your mind, things you have no time to think about like what your goal in life is, what kind of person you want to be, what kind of impact do you want to have on people around you, whoever you get to interact with, you might even feel embarrassed because you realise the way you speak is actually not very nice and sometimes you learn when you listen to other people speak because you realise you say that too and maybe it actually doesn't sound pleasing or even disgustingand also,
In the silence, we let our soul grow because we let our mind work. We do not think of thoughts that are of hate but we try to see at a different perspective.I can't agree more on how true that is. And oh yes, im so thankful of having Shannon as a friend because I feel that she's a great example on how a great person can be... Like a model. Haha woops I never said this to her but yeah I pretty much looked up to her the whole time.
I guess that's all for now! I hope that I would be able to quit my job soon because I really need a proper break and im sick and tired of working. Many things to do - complete enrollment, prepare for poly, room makeover.
@ YJC's carnival
Goodbye!