Sem 2

The 2-month break just ended last week and here's my post to conclude what I've done over the holidays! :) Honestly, I thought that this holidays would be exceptionally boring this time round because I have completely zero school related activities. Had the whole holidays to myself and I decided that my goal this holiday was to do something productive!! And I managed to only do so after the 2nd week; better late than never right?

Post-drinking

Why was I so foolish to believe those excuses? Then again I guess it was better that things never really happened. 

"She wants cold water. You fan the cup a million times, then someone else walks by with ice." 

"So?" 

"So love isn't based on effort, kid."

Call me selfish; because if I'm not going to make myself happy, who is?

"How are you?"

Well hello there hahah its been 3 months since I last blogged. Didn't know when I would ever update but I think I've found something that I want to blog about before I go to sleep today! And somehow.. I feel like I should blog about this on blogger instead of Dayre because it feels better to type it out on my comp HAHA. And partially because I don't want to have such a lengthy post on dayre. When I post on dayre I tend to cut down on my words? Probably because I feel that everything is so small on phone and it would be super tedious to read a whole chunky paragraph of words.

Okay back to the reason why I'm actually back to post something here is because I think I've found a definite answer whenever someone asks me "So.. How are you?" TOO many people ask that question! Especially whenever I meet a friend that i've yet to catch up with for ages. Whenever someone asks me how am I, I would wonder what should I tell them. So my replies to closer friends would be updating on my current situation.. like "I feel shitty now cuz ....." and if it was to someone I am not that close to it would just be like "oh, stressful cuz of school" or "same old, nothing much happened" LOL shit, my answers are so boring right? #conversationkiller I really can't figure out what to say to someone at that point of time because I pretty much have to summarise everything that I feel.. Which is not really possible for me because I think and feel about so many things... And the person might not be interested to listen to everything too. So because of these reasons... I decided to type down everything here.

Well these 3 months have been one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride I guess. After BAOC ended, everyone went back to reality. Life just went on, so did everyone; and of course I did too. Currently in July i've stopped talking to people that I once used to talk to 3 months back; what started 3 months before definitely didn't make it's way here to July. But I guess I've became so used to having to accept and adapt to situations so I'm feeling fine :) On the bright side, I've also started talking to people that I never expected that I would be so comfortable talking to them!! And just like how I believed, the people that were close to me in Romulus (Bernice and Fion) still stayed and we make the effort to hangout from time to time :) Cliche as it sounds but "People come and go in your life, but the right ones will always stay." Oh yes, I've been living by this quote these days "what's meant to be will always find its way"; some things just can't be forced no matter how hard I try so what's the point harping on it? Just let it be. Let go. It'll come back if it's meant to be.

Three months ago, year 2 just started, and of course projects weren't due yet because we just started on them. I pretty much only worried about catching up on every single module because I was so desperate to pull my GPA or at least TRY to maintain it. (Really hope I get the 6 months internship :( ) And now.... It's gonna be the end of sem 2.1 which means finals are coming and I'm currently busy the past few weeks with project submissions oh god it feels like hell once again, going through this stressful phase every single semester. And i know the following weeks are gonna be busy too because I'm only halfway through this stressful phase.. So yeap I'm pretty stressed right now :|

Lastly, I have to admit, I can't help but feel empty these days. Maybe its because i've toned down so much? There's really nothing much going on in year 2 anymore and I feel really lost because i've been thinking of my future. Seems like I should really face reality and give a good thought about it huh? Well I guess one thing of feeling empty these days is if someone does something super small for me, it matters sooo much to me. And I'm a really simplistic person too HAHA so I'm really appreciative even for the smallest things (even though I suck at expressing it) Being empty made me realize who are the special ones I could turn to and feel less empty. What I mean about feeling empty is like.... Feeling empty amongst a big group. Yes, that kind of empty. Sure, there are people around me but maybe they are just not the right ones that fill up that empty hole I feel. But yeah.. Hanging out with big groups make me a little more distracted so yeah, I do enjoy the company of those people :) It just really kinda sucks that there isn't really someone that I can feel comfort from just with a hug, someone that exceptionally cares for me, and someone that makes me feel alive. But then again these things come naturally so yeap! Really thankful for the friends around me now who never fails to shower me with love :') Really appreciate everything that happened so far because none of them left.

So this is how I feel these days; I can't say that I'm very happy nor am I very sad, but I think I'm contented? Nothing is ruining my life or whatsoever HAHA its just that I feel like a zombie because nothing much is happening I guess.... I hope things will get better :) Alright, goodnight!!

BAOC'15 RIGHTEOUS ROMULUS

This might be a very late post, but I just thought that I should type it down before I forget this feeling.  This post is about BAOC; I'm not gonna explained what happened throughout the 3 days, but a summary of what I felt for the whole journey.

So everything started out after the Pendulum chalet, day 1 of prep. Who would've thought prep would pass so quickly? In a blink of an eye, 30+ days passed and it was BAOC. Well although the performance comm that I was in had tension at some point of time, I don't regret being part of the perf comm because I learnt so much from it. The first 2 weeks was so stressed up because of conflicts, however things got so much better after that! And honestly, I miss seeing the comm everyday.. Planning the skit, painting props and choreographing the dance.

I used to not be able to speak up and voice out my opinions. Im not particularly good at it now, but I guess I can say I'm better at it now, somehow? Working with a bigger group of people taught me so much, like having to talk things out and not just hide your opinions. It honestly makes a difference and I'm so glad that I have stepped up from how I was in the past.

I have to admit, I'm closer to the performance comm because we're always together planning for the performance and we don't really have a chance to interact with people from the other comms. I was quite worried I wouldn't be able to interact well with the others from identities/flag comm, however they were also really friendly and outgoing! Even small talks meant a lot to me :) And there were the most wild and ridiculous memories. Going on outings to Cuscaden to drink, staying back to complete the props or just having dinner together after prep. I will miss all of these so badly when school starts...

Which brings me to the point that I thought of this post; Memories made during prep was so valuable, I wouldn't trade it for anything else. Especially after looking how our hard work paid off during BAOC itself :') I can't even explain how I felt like during the third day. It was my first time feeling so accomplished because I really gave it my all and stepped out of my comfort zone. It was a great experience being a leader for the first time :) It really sucks that I wouldn't be able to see these peeps so often anymore, and most probably i'll just casually see them around during school... I became so much more comfortable and closer with people I never expected to be closer with... and like what Fion said, she was worried that we wouldn't meet up so often anymore. Im really worried too.. But hey, it takes two hands to clap. If there's no one putting in the effort to make a relationship last then it wouldn't. I hope that we'll meet up for the most random meals or even Skype sessions!

BAOC'15 RIGHTEOUS ROMULUS

Oh yes, if you're reading you might be wondering why I rarely update my blog now.. Well I don't even know who's reading this, but anyway I created Dayre because its so much more convenient :) 

I think i'll post stuff more often on that platform more often now! www.dayre.me/huimintay 

Year 1 of poly is over, and I'm finally approaching Year 2. I don't know what to feel man HAHA but I can say that i'll miss being a freshie :( 

Goodnight!

Best things that happened recently

Time of the day where I start to reflect and feel grateful towards the people that I have grown closer to over this month during prep. 

To the one who never fails to make me smile, I really hope you'll go back to who you were before and be just as happy like how you were then. It isn't easy, but you got me and also your closer ones :) 

My heart hasn't felt so warm in such a long time. So glad it was "full strength", just missing out Hui Ni cuz she's having OIP. 

The next group that I feel so comfortable to be with, Raiders. It's been a pleasure to meet everyone, and I'm so glad that everyone bonded unexpectedly throughout iDare :') Great memories were made throughout the 5 days! Well maybe, i'll do up a post on iDare haha.

FIFI!!! So much love for this cutie. Im so glad that I met someone that I can confide in from Pendulum. Well I'm close to Bernice and van also uh but I knew them even before I knew of Pendulum! So this is a different case and I'm so thankful that I met someone worth keeping from this amazing journey :') She's been a great pillar of support for me the past few weeks, so thankful to have her. 

 

These two who never left me, always caring for me. 

The best IC I could ever have. Thank you for always looking out for me, I'm so thankful to be working with you :) 

RIGHTEOUS ROMULUS SUBGROUP 5

Well we were pretty awkward at first HAHA but I was quite glad that I kinda knew everyone. But after this week we got so much more comfortable with each other. I never understood why others said that this group was strong... But after getting to know everyone better I hope what others said comes true, because I believe it would too :) 

RIGHTEOUS ROMULUS

2 more days to BAOC, can't wait ;)